cheap oakley sunglasses 9 Major Stories Everyone Got W

9 Major Stories Everyone Got Wrong This Year

Earlier this year we took a look at the “Epic Beard Man” meme, which the Internet sold to us as “elderly white war vet stands up to young black thug” instead of the more accurate “mentally disturbed old man has yet another in a long line of violent outbursts on a confused victim.” It turns out that’s not exactly an isolated incident. If we wrote an article every time something went viral based purely on a lack of context, that’s all we’d write about. So we’ve narrowed it down to the biggest stories that the media and the Internet got the most wrong in 2010.

In 2010, smart, creative, genuinely funny comedy lost out to hackneyed 90s stand up bullshit once and for all. And it was all Jay Leno’s fault.

It went like this: In 2009 The Tonight Show was finally taken away from Leno and given to Conan O’Brien the voice of a new generation. We didn’t think Leno was funny, but we had to admit it was pretty cool of him to make way for the new guy. He stepped down with grace and class . only to turn right back around a few months later, when his stupid new show couldn’t get its own ratings, and steal the The Tonight Show back. We’d call him an Indian giver, but that’s a pretty offensive term, so we’ll just call him a giant gaping asshole instead.

Across the internet the story and outrage spread like wildfire as NBC inexplicabl cheap oakley sunglasses y folded before the juggernaut assault of Leno’s evil team of Hollywood lawyers, morally bankrupt agents, powerful connections and possibly shadow assassins. The network offered to move Conan’s Tonight Show to a much later time slot to make way for Leno in the 11 o’clock hour. After trying valiantly to defend himself with elegance, wit and dignity, Conan was ultimately fired, Jay was moved back, and the only people left happy by the whole thing were some . some old people probably, like in fucking Kansas somewhere, who wouldn’t know good comedy if it farted in their mouths.

Leno had nearly nothing to do with Conan getting fired. The popular phrasing is that Leno “took back The Tonight Show” after “giving it to Conan.” But Leno doesn’t “own” The Tonight Show NBC does. It was never Leno’s choice to make. The sad reality is that Conan signed a tragically shitty contract with NBC a contract that held no specifications for his timeslot and it came back to bite him. And he should have seen it coming: Both Leno and Letterman have timeslot clauses built into their contracts to avoid this very thing. As Matthew Belloni, an entertainment lawyer and journalist, explains:

“Any talent lawyer worth his five percent fee is probably calling to ask for timeslot guarantees.”

It’s as basic as a call girl clause or a cocaine rider.

So then it was NBC exploiting an oversight in Conan’s contract so it could keep their precious Leno waggling his chin and over explaining his punchlines, right? Actually, the explanation is much simpler and more logical: Both programs were failing. Neither host’s audience followed him to his new spot. Team Coco blamed that on Leno’s new show providing a terrible lead in to Conan’s, but Leno’s new show didn’t start until several months after Conan’s. Even without Leno’s comedy black hole shitting up his lead in, O’Brien’s Tonight Show ratings were still in the toilet.

The only crime Leno committed was having better lawyers than Conan. Conan’s contract forced NBC to pay him $45 million if it fired him. But Jay’s early termination fee was a ludicrous $150 million. But and this is important he gets that $150 million only if the studio fires him.

His bosses essentially came to him and said, “Listen, we have two options here: We fire Conan and put you in his job. Or we fire Conan and you refuse to take his job, thus rendering you and your entire production staff unemployed.”

What would you answer in that situation? Keep in mind that any way you cut it, the other guy is fired; the only decision in your hands is whether you want to lose your job too. Then also keep in mind that it’s not just you but all of your friends and co workers whose jobs are on the line.

We can’t hate Leno for “taking” anything away. It was the only thing he could have done. We can only hate him because really fuck that guy. No real reason we can pin down. He just seems like kind of a dick is all.

Also, he didn’t write the best Simpsons episode ever.

“The Tea Party is just a swarm of red cheap oakley sunglasses neck doofuses, not only unworthy of serious consideration from the rest of us but 100 percent deserving of scrotum based epithets. Because they’re just that ridiculous.”

And Christine O’Donnell was the new Queen of the Crazies. It didn’t take long for us to find out that she was , a cheap oakley sunglasses dabbler in witchcraft and not all that knowledgeable about this holy document she swore she was building her candidacy around. Plus, everything that came out of her mouth was pure hilarious moonshine. Which was probably why she stopped giving her mouth a national platform six weeks before the election. But that didn’t stop the media from talking about her, because O’Donnell so perfectly represented everything else about the Tea Party.

Above: Everything else about the Tea Party.

There were blatant racists and blatant Obama to Hitler comparison makers. All year we saw misspelled signs and angry, red faced Colonials. People like Anderson Cooper and President Obama showed how seriously they were taking the party by calling them “tea baggers.” And nobody blamed them, because all year long, the media gave us a picture of the Tea Party that made it perfectly clear: This is a joke.

For all those wackjob birthers captured on film wearing frilly lady blouses and triangle hats, there were thousands of ordinary people just living their lives, being regular, and not liking how their Republican Party had turned out. And even though Tea Party members tend to skew toward older, middle class white guys, their overall demographics aren’t that far from the rest of the country. Of course, regular people are about as riveting as dry toast, so they didn’t get much screen time. Which is why it came as such a shock to everyone when 32 percent of Tea Party affiliated candidates won their elections.

American Revolution II: Now with 40 percent more obesity.

By focusing in on the assclowns the media painted a picture that not only wasn’t accurate, but pretty much made constructive political discourse impossible. They didn’t just fail to do their job they did the opposite of their job, and they’ve been doing it for years.

Like back in the 1960s, when they homed in on long haired hippies dancing like spazzes and plugging every orifice they could with flowers, then declared these ding dongs the voice of their generation. In reality, most kids from the 60s never looked like that or behaved that way, but that doesn’t mean they inherently supported the war in Vietnam or were opposed to civil rights. They just weren’t part of the hippie fringe. Look at your mom’s (or grandma’s?) yearbook if you don’t believe us. Or look at this picture from Woodstock.

In case you can’t tell, most of the guys are sporting relatively short hair . at Woodstock.

So when we watched coverage of O’Donnell and the Tea Party this year, we were only getting the bonkers half of the picture. Now that CNN is teaming up with the Tea Party Express to host the Republican debates next year, we’ll probably see a lot fewer costumed revolutionaries. But everyone will just assume the Tea Party cleaned up its act, when in reality it will be CNN.

Three months before 2010 got under way, Kanye made the blunder of a lifetime when he swiped Taylor Swift’s microphone at the MTV Video Music Awards and gave his gaffe tastic “Imma let you finish” speech. What Kanye didn’t know was that somewhere on that stage was a magical, invisible line of pariahdom. The consequences of that stunt would play out in the form of disses from American presidents, current and former, a cancellation of his tour with the biggest pop star in the universe, dozens of fellow musicians shaming him publicly and a call to boycott him by Joe Jackson.

By the beginning o cheap oakley sunglasses f 2010, our minds were pretty much made up on Yeezy. At best, he was a retarded buffoon who had somehow duped us into buying his records for five years. At worst, he had something very seriously wrong with him. Just about everything he said, did, or wore in 2010 made him look like it might be the latter. Like when he compared himself to Maya Angelou or covered his teeth in diamonds. And especially when he discovered Twitter and started spewing all sorts of incoherent diarrhea. It’s almost like Kanye collaborated with the media to present the worst possible image of himself, and we ate it up, because why wouldn’t we? Who acts like that, right?

Thanks to unsettling cartoon pornography.

Kanye’s latest album, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy, is being called the “Sgt. Pepper of hip hop” and a “masterpiece” by critics. For a while there, we forgot that Kanye has been making the music half of “rap music” since he was 20 years old. Before he ever picked up a microphone, other big names, such as Jay Z, Nas and Ludacris, were clamoring to rap over his beats. So when he actually got around to doing the one thing that made him famous in the first place, we probably shouldn’t have been so surprised that he was good at it.

This isn’t the first time we’ve seen an artist create like a genius while acting like a lunatic; we’re just not used to seeing it in rap music. Brian Wilson had a reputation as a tortured genius, crippled by shyness and stage fright but with a head full of opaque brilliance that the rest of us could appreciate only when he sat down at his piano. It might be time to start thinking of Kanye West as the opposite of Brian Wilson. Instead of struggling with crippling shyness, Kanye forces his fans to deal with his crippling case of whatever the opposite of shyness is.

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